Seventy-eight years ago today, Charles Edward Sink was born. He was the first child and only son of Joseph and Geneva (Klarer) Sink. Thirty-three years later he became Janet’s husband. Forty years after his birth he became my dad. Only a few weeks before his seventy-seventh birthday, he died. He had said in the months leading up to his death that it would have been nice to live to eighty. So here I sit, just a little over a year after his death, pondering how to celebrate his birthday.
A wise woman once told me that “birthdays are an opportunity to celebrate the uniqueness and specialness of that person.” While I am grieving I find that birthdays feel emotionally mixed because I want to honor the person but I also feel the ache of missing their physical presence such that going through some of the same traditions may feel too painful. Some other holidays may be even worse, depending on family traditions.
I picked up a book titled “Empty Chair” several years ago and found it to be very helpful as I grieved in the first couple years after Lee and Madison died. The book is mainly about handling special occasions, times when you really notice the “empty chair” at the table. I’ll share a couple key tips that I found most helpful.
- Follow your heart. It is really important to be in touch with yourself and your own feelings so you can take care of yourself. This is true of the big picture (for example, an extended holiday season as you plan ahead) and also the smaller picture, such as, “How am I feeling in this moment, what do I need to do to take care of me?”
- Make all of your plans flexible. If you think being at home for a special day might be too much and you decide to accept an invitation to go to a friend’s home, let them know in advance that if it is too much for you will they have a problem if you leave. If they will, accept a different invitation or make other plans. Allow yourself to be flexible in each moment. You may surprise yourself and feel better than you expected and thus be “up for more” but the reverse could also be true and you don’t want to put yourself under that kind of stress to keep a happy face on when that is the very last thing you are feeling.
- Don’t strand yourself. Along the same lines as “make your plans flexible” you want to make sure you have the ability to leave when you want to. So maybe don’t buy a non-refundable ticket to Jamaica for a holiday only to discover once you are there you can only imagine being at home.
- Make room for new traditions. Many grieving people find great comfort in creating a new tradition or two that really honor the person who passsed. It could be anything to setting aside some time to share memories or donating to that person’s favorite charity. Be creative and think of what makes sense for you.
- Allow traditions to change from year to year. The first few years of grieving all feel different, especially for a significant loss. Just because you ate Thanksgiving Dinner at Aunt Nancy’s last year doesn’t mean you need to do the same this year.
- Try not to tie yourself to the role of host/hostess. If you are hosting an event it is practically impossible to leave in the middle to take care of yourself. Think twice before committing to any hosting, most especially a major event. You may have already discovered as a grieving person that sometimes there is nothing more you want than being alone so try to work your plans so you can have that time if you want/need it on that day.
So today, on my dad’s seventy-eighth birthday, I am going to pick black raspberries (a special treat I used to bring him on his birthday for the last few years) and I am contemplating making a banana cream pie (his favorite birthday treat) but I haven’t decided on that yet. We will have Mexican food for dinner with refried beans, corn tortillas, and spicy salsa, one of Dad’s favorite meals. I purposely left my schedule flexible today (and yesterday too) so I can take time to myself and flow with the day. Feel free to join me in honoring a man who touched so many lives in his family and local community.
Donna Copeland is an Independent Shaklee Distributor who lost her father to cancer in June 2008. She has shared other grief tips on this blog as well as her specialties of gluten-free, green, and healthy living tips. Thank you for sharing this journey with her. For more information on Shaklee, go to: www.Shaklee.net/DonnaCopeland
Filed under: Green Living | Tags: Natural tick prevention, natural tick removal, ticks and pets
One of my favorite parts of my morning ritual is taking a brisk walk. I really love getting outside and being nourished by the sight of the sunrise, the trees, hearing the birds singing…all of it. So on my first day in Tennessee I hopped out of bed and went for one of my favorite walks, from our house to the top of the hill overlooking the family cemetery. Upon my return I realized I needed to add another piece to my morning ritual called “tick removal”. Ugh! I stopped counting after five. Thankfully none of them had imbedded yet but they just gross me out.
I must say after being here a few days and picking ticks off regularly they gross me out less and less, even when they are imbedded. We tried a new “tick repellant” for dogs this trip to see if it helped since Keith and I are committed to not putting poisons on Jewel any more. So here are my “Tick Tricks” that I have picked up over my years in Tennessee:
Get a “Tick Twister”. I found it on-line when I googled natural tick prevention or something like that and later discovered them at a pet supply store (Petco or PetSmart, I know that Pet Supplies Plus does NOT carry them). They are about five dollars for two twisters and they are the world’s best invention when it comes to removing ticks. They are shaped like the claw part of a hammer but a lot smaller. You slide the tick’s body through the open end (ticks go in head first so you just lever them up a bit so they are perpendicular to your skin) and then maintaining the position of the tick, rotate the tick twister in a circular direction doing several full turns until it disengages. The beautiful part is that there are not parts left in side of you to give you an infection and you are not squeezing on the tick to get it to pull out. They are really strong and have amazing grips!
We tried Sentry’s “Natural Defense” Natural Flea and Tick Squeeze On for Dogs and Puppies” which is made with peppermint oil, cinnamon oil, lemon grass oil, clove oil, and thyme oil. You squeeze it directly on the skin all the way down the spine from shoulder blades to base of the tail. It leaves their hair a bit greasy for a couple days and it was a slightly unpleasant odor having that combination of all those herbs. After a week I must say I have no idea if it helped or not. We still picked off an average of one to two ticks per day. I think the biggest contributing factor was where we allowed her to walk with leads me to my next “tick trick”.
Keep your grass mowed and leaves raked if you live in a “ticky” area. Ticks love to hang out in tall grass (as do chiggers) and piles of dead leaves. Jewel and I love to go tromping “off-road” as I call it when we run through the woods on the Tennessee property but we don’t do that during tick season (which is roughly April – October).
We have heard it said that sulfur can be used on humans as a tick repellant but don’t use it on your furry friends. It can be poisonous to them. A friend of mine just told me yesterday that after treating a dog of hers twice with a sulfur-based treatment for mange the dog died and she believes it is from the sulfur. You can sprinkle it in the yard if you know you have a tick-infested area too although it is pretty expensive and it turns the soil more acidic (good for blueberries) so you may want to investigate more before you use that. I don’t think I would use it if my dog my consume it in the yard but in Tennessee Jewel is always on a leash so we don’t need to worry about her eating something she isn’t supposed to. By the way, if you use the sulfur on yourself you will need to put it in a lotion or powder to apply to your ankles since it won’t stay on by itself.
One final tip is to “feed the birds”. Birds, and especially chickens love to eat ticks. We aren’t in Tennessee long enough at one time to keep chickens but I believe we will begin filling birdfeeders on our next trip and keep them stocked to see if we can attract birds to our home and have their support in reducing the tick population naturally.
Those are my “Tick Tricks” that I have picked up over these past years in Tennessee. I will admit to shrieking like a little girl and dancing in the tub with my arms flailing around my head when I discovered my first tick on the top of my ear a few years ago (yes, I was in the shower and I was in Michigan!). I am proud to say I have matured a bit but I do believe the words “get it off of me!” came out of my mouth just a few days ago. Ticks and I will never be bosom buddies but I do recognize their place in the ecosystem and I pray for a long, hard winter to reduce their numbers. One more downside to global warming!
Donna Copeland is an Independent Shaklee Distributor who doesn’t believe in using poisons on the earth that will cause greater harm than what it is supposed to be fixing. She shares her knowledge here on this blog on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. For more information on her Shaklee business, one of the most integrity-filled green companies around, go to: www.Shaklee.net/DonnaCopeland
I am often surprised that there are still dog owners out there who don’t realize that chocolate is poisonous to their friend. So allow me to add a few others you may not realize could be life-threatening to your favorite furry friend.
Onions, grapes/raisins, chocolate, avocados: These are all poisonous to dogs. On avocadoes it is the skin and pit. The pits on many fruits are poisonous to both humans and animals so make sure you compost them and keep the compost bin inaccessible to your furry friends (ours is outside out gate, my sister Elaine put fencing around hers to keep her dogs out).
By the way, if your dog does ingest one of the above (and quantity that may harm depends on the size of your dog and how much they ingest) you can make them vomit it up (if it hasn’t been too long…check with your veterinarian or local animal emergency clinic to decide). Pour peroxide down their throat (yep, it is as fun as it sounds) and it will foam and make them vomit. You may need to repeat a few times to get all of the material out of their tummies. I guarantee this won’t be fun for either of you and you may want to do this on a floor that is easily cleanable. We have had the pleasure of doing this three times for Jewel.
Time #1: Jewel was probably a couple years old and Keith brought home these great, huge, fudgey brownies to share with me. We got distracted by something and Jewel snatched them off the table. When we discovered it we called animal emergency (of course she did this after 10 PM, our animals have a knack for having emergencies when we are thinking about going to bed). Animal emergency told us about the peroxide and how to do it. After two rounds we felt we had gotten the chocolate out of her.
Time #2: Fast forward a few years and I had made some lovely brownies with mints in some and Reese’s Cups in others. I wrapped a couple samples in plastic wrap to share with my sisters and set them on top of the microwave (about 4 feet off the floor). I went into the other room to the garbage (Jewel and Fari both are not above trash picking…they must be their Grandpa Sink’s genes…and we keep the garbage behind a secured door.) and when I returned about 10 seconds later Jewel looked guilty.
I looked around to see what she had done and discovered the missing brownies. After a round or two of peroxide we got two still-wrapped packages of brownies. Keith declined my offer to sample the warm, chocolate goodness.
Time #3: A couple years ago we were having a birthday party for my step-daughter, Alyssa. I had baked an organic chocolate cake which was awaiting frosting in the microwave (that is our favorite dog-free storage container because she hasn’t figured out how to open it). I had gone into Quest when I got a frantic call from Alyssa saying that she had pulled the cake out to use the microwave and forgot to put it back in. Jewel had eaten the entire cake.
We got out the peroxide only to discover that I only had about a half bottle in the house. We used that and I ran to the drugstore for more (always keep a couple bottles on hand…it doesn’t go bad). After using the better part of another bottle, Jewel still hadn’t vomited (although Alyssa and I had peroxide all over us!). I concluded that she had figured out how to use her tongue to keep from swallowing the peroxide. We ended up taking her to the animal emergency clinic where they put a pill under the lid of her eye that induced vomiting. Amazing! Alyssa got a store-bought cake that year (vanilla) and the rest of her party went off without a hitch.
We keep any chocolate in the house out of reach of Jewel. Even my baking cocoa is kept in the refrigerator. Our snacking chocolate (because of all those good antioxidants) is kept in the freezer (we eat smaller portions when it is frozen too!) and baked goods are kept in the microwave or we wrap them into individual portions and freeze them.
Donna Copeland is an Independent Shaklee Distributer and lover of furry friends. Her dog, Jewel, takes Shaklee’s Joint Health Complex and OmegaGuard (Omega 3 Fatty Acids). Her cat, Fari, takes the same however he enjoys his OmegaGuard opened so he can lick up the yummy oils. Find out more at http://www.Shaklee.net/DonnaCopeland
Filed under: Green Living
Fari (“So Far” is his legal name) showed up outside our bedroom doorwall on my birthday in 1997. I immediately knew that he was a birthday gift for me. Keith was not so convinced although Fari quickly worked his way into Keith’s heart and they are the best of buddies now. Fari’s antics and play brought a whole new level of fun into our home. One thing he liked to do was jump in the bathtub and drink out of the last few drips coming out of the faucet. One day I noticed him jumping out of the tub and onto the bathroom floor where he proceeded to lick himself. I had the instantaneous realization that I had cleaned the tub only about 30 minutes before and while I had rinsed it well, there was bound to be some residue on the tub and know being ingested by my friend.
Talk about a wake up call! I had already dabbled in green cleaners and bought a bottle of Shaklee’s Basic H whenever I came across someone selling it but I typically used what was convenient and cheap. No more! I wouldn’t be party to poisoning my friend. This solidified the green road for me.
Do you remember when the pet food industry became exposed for their poor quality control that resulted in the deaths of animals a couple years ago? I know a few people who switched to making their own food at that time and I seriously considered it but I couldn’t find a “cookbook” that I felt completely comfortable with their information. For example, one cookbook looked like they really had great information on supplementation for your dog but a couple of their recipes contained raisins (which are poisonous to dogs, as are grapes). So I didn’t feel I could trust the rest of their information if they had that simple piece wrong. It was just a different type of poisoning so that wasn’t the route for me.
Keith and I switched to pet food companies that only produce their food in the United States since it is held to a higher standard (ask your vet or the local pet supply store person to help you figure it out). A discussion about what food products to avoid for maximum health of your animals is a whole other blog. Today I want to focus on actual poisonings and concerns in and around your home.
Peruse the list and see if any of these are in your home and in the coming week I will share details on what is harmful and how you can avoid the affects with safer alternatives:
- Swifter spray mops
- Butyl Cellosolve
- Bleach
- Odor eliminators/air fresheners
- Ant traps and sprays
- Mice and rat poisons
- Pest control services
- Garden fertilizers, herbicides, pesticides
- Flea and Tick topical prevention treatments
- Onions, grapes/raisins, chocolate, avocados
- Plants (indoor and outdoor)
I am guilty of using pretty much every product I listed here at some point or another in my life, many in the last five years. We are all on our own path and we need to decide for ourselves when the time is to make the change. Often we simply don’t realize the harm we are subjecting ourselves or our loved ones to by the daily choices we make. That is why I started this blog in the first place…to share the information I have been learning so you can make your own, more informed choices to keep you and your family safer and healthier. I’m not an expert, I am on the same path that you are and I know that by this time next year I will know more and be making different choices than I am right now.
Donna Copeland is an Independent Shaklee Distributor who sees her cat and dog like members of the family. They take Shaklee supplements and enjoy the home being cleaned with non-toxic products. Your pets can too if you go to: www.Shaklee.net/DonnaCopeland
Filed under: Green Living | Tags: children and green living, Recycle, reduce, reuse
My dad had his hip replaced in early fall of 2006. Because Mom was working as a teacher at the time we kids took turns staying there, helping Dad and making sure he didn’t break too many rehab rules. One funny moment was when he had a piece of medical tubing that had been used and we offered to toss it in the trash for him and he said, “No, this is a great piece of tubing. It will come in handy for something.” If you go into my dad’s work area you will see there are lots of things that will “come in handy for something” and they often did.
I am not advocating keeping as many parts as my dad did. We should each be realistic and keep what we will likely use. My dad was very handy and he put scrap metal to use in our childhood swing set and monkey bars; he would scavange an electrical cord from a dead fan and use it to fix the vacuum cleaner cord; he was pretty brilliant. Let’s think about the average person. What is about to go in your recycling bin or in the trash that you could re-use? Here are a couple suggestions:
- Cut the bottoms of cereal boxes and use for drawer dividers in the kitchen or desk.
- Cut the top off a gallon milk jug, leaving the handle in place as a storage spot for the kitty litter scoop.
- Use newspapers for mulch and weed control for your garden.
- Take a brick or rock and cover it with pretty fabric for a door stop.
- Give toilet paper tubes to your neighbor’s gerbil to chew up.
- Take glass or clear plastic bottles and jars with screw on lids; attach the top of the lid to the underside of a shelf and then screw in the jar so the jar looks like it is suspended in air. It is a great way to store nails/fasteners/small trinkets.
Does that get your brain going? Special thanks to Susan Hunsberger (professional organizer at www.SusanHunsberger.com) for some of those suggestions.
REDUCE
To reduce our consumption of resources sometimes sounds like we are going to live unpleasant, meager lives with gruel for breakfast with no sweetener. I like to consider reduction of consumption to be more like a game, a challenge. Again, I am not suggesting we change everything at once but make small continual changes until we develop new habits. We Americans are in the terrible habit of consuming way more than our portion of the earth’s resources and if you don’t think that is a problem, I refer you to the website www.theStoryOfStuff.com which has a great 20 minute video on it that explains why this is a problem.
Every time you choose to not purchase something thinking, “I don’t really need that” you are reducing your consumption. When you turn down your thermostat, combine errands, only run the dishwasher when it is full, or choose the local farmer’s market for seasonal produce, you are reducing your use of energy.
Children especially don’t equate leaving a light on unnecessarily with burning more coal in a power plant. Using a concept I like to call “Drip Education” gives soundbites of information to kids rather than a five minute lecture on the evils of leaving the water running while you are brushing your teeth. Here is an example: You are in the grocery store with your child buying recycled toilet paper and right on the packaging it says how many trees were saved and how many gallons of water not used by purchasing this product. Say something like, “Hey, Sam, look at this information on recycled toilet paper. This looks really interesting can you read it to me while I pick out our eggs?” After it is read, say, “Can you imagine how much space it would take to grow [that number] of trees?”
So as you prepare your grocery list or get your recyclables ready for the curb, think about where you can reduce or eliminate packaging (hint: don’t buy “Lunchables”) in your daily life; how can you re-use something you have already purchased; where can you exercise some ingenuity and not only save the planet a bit of trouble but also save yourself a bit of cash at the same time. Good luck!
Donna Copeland is an Independent Shaklee Distributor who believes in doing well and doing good at the same time. Share your favorite “Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle” tips in the comments section. You can get more information on why Donna is so passionate about Shaklee at: www.Shaklee.net/DonnaCopeland
I thank you for indulging my grief process for these past several posts. The topic of “low impact living” is one that was near and dear to my dad’s heart so I continue to honor him in my daily life. You may not know what I mean by “low impact” so I will explain. For each of us to live we must take from the earth to provide for our needs. We need food, shelter, a place to get rid of our waste; think of what a caveman needed…we need the same things we are simply used to having them in a more sophisticated way. Ideally we will live in such a way as to minimally impact the earth so the resources available to us will sustain more people for a longer period of time.
Before I go any further, let me tell you that I am not perfect. I have been known to toss a container of leftovers from the fridge into the trash that could have been recycled simply because I was too lazy (and too grossed out by it) to clean it. We all need to make our own choices given where we are at and what we are capable of in any given moment. Overall, I believe in having a lifestyle commitment of using fewer resources and continually looking for small ways that I can accomplish that goal.
RECYCLE:
Keith and I do a decent job of recycling. We are fortunate to have recycling pick up included with our garbage pick up that we pay for. It is helpful to keep a list of what you can recycle, both at the curb and your closest drop off site. Once you get in the habit it is second nature to clean out the cans or bottles and then put them in the bin. For me, that is something I consider as I am purchasing an item, “Can I recycle this packaging?” If there are two items on the shelf and one can be recycled and the other can’t, I will go for the one that can.
We also recycle a few items that are not available curbside but at the local drop off center. That specifically includes colored glass (anything that isn’t clear) and Styrofoam. I’m not a big fan of Styrofoam anyway and have heard health concerns about consuming food and beverages out of it, especially if they are warm. In addition our drop-off center will take some items for a fee, like fluorescent light bulbs or appliances and make sure components that can be recycled are and dangerous components (like the mercury in the light bulbs) are disposed of safely.
One final note on recycling is related to plastics. I am encouraged to see more people recycling their plastics and I don’t want you to stop. There are still two concerns that I have related to plastics: 1) They are made with petroleum products and we have a limited supply of petroleum. I would love to see this country and indeed, the world, become less-dependent on petroleum-based plastics. 2) When plastic is recycled, it degrades in quality. Let me try to explain that by comparison…If you take a glass bottle and recycle it, it can become a glass bottle again. If you take a steel can and recycle it, it can become a steel can again. If you take a plastic bottle and recycle it, it can never become a plastic bottle again. It needs to become a reusable grocery bag or fake wood. So while I am careful to recycle all the plastics I am done with, I find myself trying to reduce the amount of plastics I am purchasing in the first place which brings me to the end of this post and a hint of what the next post will be about.
How can we make steps in the direction of reducing how much we use without feeling like we are living in Little House on the Prairie? Stay tuned for more details about how you can make some minor adjustments to experience “Low Impact Living” while enjoying modern conveniences.
Donna Copeland is an Independent Shaklee Distributor who believes that each of us has a responsibility for our impact on future generations. Are we leaving the world better or worse off? To purchase products from a company that has always been green, since 1956, check out Donna’s Shaklee site at: www.Shaklee.net/DonnaCopeland
Filed under: mental health | Tags: anger, boundaries, emotional health, forgiveness, letting go
We all have regrets and things we would do differently if we had the information then that we have now. I believe that is part of growing. There is a difference between acknowledging regrets and living in guilt over them. We have both been hurt and we have hurt others. Unless we can learn to let go of the hurt, the anger, and the guilt we run the risk of bringing health issues and unhappiness into our lives.
One thing that I used to struggle with was the phrase “forgive and forget”. I thought that if I forgave the past hurt I also had to forget it and set myself up to be hurt again, especially if the other party didn’t seem likely to change. Who wants to set themselves up for that? It didn’t seem like a smart idea to me; then I was introduced to the concept of self-protection and boundaries. I found through my martial arts training an appreciation for taking care of myself, physically, mentally, and emotionally so I could lead a happy and productive life. I am valuable and important and worth looking out for. At the same time, everyone around me deserves respect too so as I am protecting myself from attacks (verbal, emotional, or physical) I strive to do it in a way that is firm but kind, only escalating if I am out of other, more peaceful alternatives.
Let me share an example…a panhandler came up to me on the street and asked for money. My own personal policy is to donate money to organizations although I will give food or water directly to a panhandler. On that day I didn’t have any food with me to give so I said, “Sorry, nothing to give. Take care.” and I moved on. He allowed me to go and that was the end of the interaction. In another instance, I was recently asked to explain why I had done something in a particular way. While I was in the middle of my brief explanation the other person said, “Well, this is what we are going to do…” and they proceeded to outline how they were going to completely change what I had done. I firmly and kindly interjected by saying, “Just one moment, I am fine if you have input and you would like to see this done differently however it isn’t okay for you to just come in and order me to make the change. We are supposed to be working together here.”
It is very difficult for me to keep emotions in check when dealing with a situation when I feel threatened physically or emotionally and personally I would rather cry then shout at the other person because I don’t generally feel the need to apologize for tears but shouting and raising my voice or saying something I may regret is another matter. In case you didn’t know, crying releases toxins so go ahead and let it out!
There have only been a few times in my life when I feel like I was the recipient of “pre-meditated hurt”, where the person actually planned out exactly what they were going to do as a means of hurting me or something I cared deeply about. I am thankful for that because who wants to deal with someone deliberately trying to hurt you? Most of the time we manage to step on each other’s toes without trying and cause harm unintentionally that can be hard enough to let go of.
In those times when the hurt is pretty major and far-reaching it is much more difficult to let it go. I found a couple things that really have helped me in the past have been:
- Let out the emotion associated with the event or series of events (this includes vigorous exercise; really deep breaths to exhale the anger and get it out; punching a pillow or throwing things – outdoors please!; and primal screaming).
- Make a plan for yourself of how you would keep yourself from ending up in the same situation in the future. (For example, “If we work together in the future I would speak up sooner if things seemed off and trust my intuition.” or “I am willing to see them at functions when other people are there and it is a large gathering but I will not do anything with them by myself.”
- Try to see the situation from their viewpoint. (This doesn’t mean you will agree with their choices, it just means that you can see where they were coming from.)
- Consciously send the person blessings. This is a really important step and the one that is the most critical in moving forward and knowing that you are no longer carrying around your past hurt. Picture them in your head and ask God or the Universe, or whatever your beliefs are to bless that person and be specific. (For example, if you know the person has anger issues, imagine loving arms wrapping them up and them being able to receive that love or if the person has financial concerns imagine money falling from the sky all around them.) You see, you are not actually sending them money or wrapping YOUR arms around them. That is part of setting good boundaries and taking care of yourself.
You may find yourself repeating some or all of the steps and not necessarily in order. Follow your heart. I use this process on both large and small issues and I am proud to say that having gone through it a few times, I do a better job now of communicating up front and deal with fewer problems that have escalated and gotten out of control. It isn’t easy and you need to recognize that by holding on to past hurts you run the risk of creating dis-ease in your body in the future. And as they say, “you are only hurting yourself.”
Donna J Copeland is an Indpendent Shaklee Distributor who hates to see people and animals hurt, whether inflicted by themselves or others. Donna also recommends the book “Dance of Anger” as an excellent resource on setting boundaries. More information on Shaklee is available on her website at: www.Shaklee.net/DonnaCopeland
